This is a continuation of my previous blog, you might want to read that first. CLICK HERE!
I wondered around trying to find the perfect spot, perfect view, and perfect silence. I finally settled in and started talking to Jesus.
What is it about the shooting stars? Every time I see one I gasp as if it was the first time I had ever seen one.
“You’re my child, my bride. I want to romance you.”
I want that kind of excitement with You every day. What do you want me to see through the shooting stars?
“You’re worth it. You’re worth pursuing, you’re worth dying for, you’re worth smiling with. You’re worth loving. I am pursuing you. I wish you could see that. I’ve taught you to look to me and see your reflection off of me. I see you so much differently than you see yourself.”
I don’t believe I’m worth it.
Why don’t I believe all these pretty things, the good things You give me?
“Because you view me as a God who disciplines. I discipline you gently and that is the gentle side of me you see.”
I know as humans we need discipline but that isn’t all you have for me. You have so much more. God, you are so big. I can’t comprehend your beauty. I can’t imagine how you could pursue me. I look so down on myself that I can’t see why anyone would want to love me. Let alone you. I’m made in the image of you but I don’t see that at all. Who would want to love me? You are telling me I am worth it. I am a person who loves easily. I am someone who knows and believes others are worth it, but I don’t see why I am worth anything.
I truly believe I am worthless.
At this point I chose to sit in worthlessness. I avoided hearing the truth I knew God had for me. I took a nap, ate a snack, moved my tent, ate another snack, until I finally decided I needed to sit in His creation and listen for His voice. I had no idea what time it was or how much longer I had but I am grateful for the freedom I had to sit in that feeling, and have enough time to wrestle through it.
I realized I’m still looking at what I don’t have. What you haven’t “blessed” me with that I forgot about all the good things you have give me. Look where you have called me. Into the hard places but with people who are willing to walk with me through it.
“You are worthy! You are worthy of my love, worthy of shooting stars, worthy of being remembered, worthy of loving, worthy to serve, worthy of giving wisdom, worthy of laughing with.”
I AM WORTHY.
1 Cor 15: 9-10a For I am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I am not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church. But what ever I am now, it is all because God poured out His special favor on ME.
God promised to continue telling me truths about being worthy daily. Do you believe you’re worth the pretty things, the blessings, the life God has given you? If you’re like me and have a hard time believing you’re worthy, I encourage you to join me in asking God what you’re worth. Share it in the comments, share it in an email to me, share it through a text. You can even share it with a friend who might be in a tough spot. Encourage others by sharing your struggles.
